You walk, you stroll, you love, you grow How the city effects you, you never know Meeting people and making friends A new adventure around each bend A place for old and new love too Seeing couples holding hands, its true The city of love, a city of passion Where to next, only you can fashion Sitting by a fountain, resting on the stairs With this city I am having an affair Love some parts, also hate others Its a city of artists, its a wonder! So much inspiration in one place A new day and adventure, its the way With inspiration and love in the air Each moment you will cherish and care
I have a passion for which I write Little of which will see the light Channelling a message, I feel it come One thought at a time, soon I am done I wander across the page in time Selecting each word and filling a line My emotions are bleeding onto the page I can't control it, like a lion in a cage I wonder how people contain their ideas? Mine flow out in a variety of ways In lines of prose or poetic form It rains down words like a thunderstorm To write is something that I must do My passion to write, I'm sharing with you As you travel from place to place I hope you will capture words in this space Thoughts and ideas will always appear A pen and paper should also be near By writing you clarify a thought or a feeling It will keep you and your mind from reeling A safe haven, a place to write In early morning or late at night Even if the words just stay in a book Years from now you might take a look What today is foggy, tomorrow is clear Each day you will learn, or that's what I hear So write a word, learn something new A writer must write, it is all he can do
What is today? It is our wedding day. Today is the day of a new beginning. Or is it? It feels like the new beginning occurred when my boyfriend and I got back together after a lengthy breakup. From that point on we were committed. It took a lot of adjusting to get where we are now – happy.
On that first date I knew. I felt something and it hasn’t stopped. I doubted it. I ran away from it. I even threw it on the floor and stomped on it. It was always there in my face. Undeniable love.
From the first date to today I can see that it has changed. It has become more calm, strong and reliable instead of a cursed roller coaster. Maturity perhaps. Faith maybe. Like a fine wine, aged. Definitely better.
As we seal our love with marriage today I am not nervous, stressed, or worried. We have built a house of brick, not straw and today we move in. We cross the threshold to a new phase in our relationship. New beginnings, new memories and more love to grow. This is the time of plenty.
A tree that sways in every gust,
a tree that stands tall – it must.
Leaves of green, some gone brown,
some hold strong, some fall down.
I feel like a tree inside my heart,
the backbone of me is where it starts.
Swaying, swinging, reflecting light,
I stand tall like a tree, what might.
I can’t believe the strength I have.
I finally see life, on which to grab.
The love of my life in arms reach,
He who has so much to teach.
My life is new, its growing branches,
each day my tree of love is grander.
When do you know you are in love? Isn’t falling in love easy? Unfortunately the logical part of relationships gets in the way of love sometimes. Too much thinking perhaps. I recently wondered if the love of youth is more rewarding than the love we find as we get older. Or is it two completely different things?
How did you experience love when you were 16? Did you worry about a boy having a good job? Or a girl being a good mother to children? No! Of course not! You thought he/she was ‘cute’ and you liked to sit next to them in class or at lunch. That was enough. You were 16, what more did you need to know? Why doesn’t love work the same when you get older?
As we get older and form relationships, it is harder. Too much logic and less spontaneity. Why can’t it be simple? We need to focus on the simple question and answer. Question: Do you feel love? Answer: Yes or No.
The other challenge, when do you ‘know’ that you are ‘in love’? In many relationships I knew immediately. Seeing the person across the room. Just one date, or not even a date – kissing them 2 hours after meeting them at the wine festival. (Who knew that kiss would turn into a 3 year relationship!). I believe that people have the ability to be attracted quickly because it is instinctual. I am just not sure everyone is listening to their instinct. If we just followed our instincts, it would be easy to find a mate. Is our lack of reliance on instinct making it difficult to find ‘someone’?
If we could spend more time listening to our instincts and less time thinking (and worrying) maybe we could find more loving relationships. Instead of ‘criteria’, we could focus on how we connect with other people. Watching behavior and listening to responses to canned questions on a date just can’t determine true compatibility. There is something else in the air. Energy. The energy is the thing that 16-year-olds focus on and maybe those of us over 16 should reconsider as we approach our new relationships.
I have experienced love, as well as loss of love. I experienced the immediate lightning strike of love and the slower buildup to a long-term relationship that also was love. The lightning is tough to beat, but sometimes it can also beat you down if you let it. Everyone wants crazy and exciting love because it is so hard to pass up. Others have told me their relationship started with the lightning, but over time it grew into a different kind of love. Regardless of how you get to love, the lightening or a long slow ramp, does it really matter? Should we stop wondering ‘am I in love’ and just love? What about you? When did you know you were in love?
What is sunshine, freedom and love? It is not a hippie saying from the 1970’s (I don’t think?) or a slogan for Arizona. It is actually part of a quote from the back of a necklace that will inspire me for the upcoming year. While everyone else is contemplating what presents to buy for Christmas during December, I am reflecting on the past year and contemplating goals for 2012. What do I want in the next year? How do I want to feel at the end of the year? Where do I want to focus my attention so I can be happy? What will my life look like in one year? Will I feel fulfilled? Will I feel happy?
Last year when I thought about my life at the end of 2010 I came to the sad and frightening conclusion that to accomplish my goals (to be happy) something was going to have to change in my marriage. At the time I didn’t know it would actually come to an end. I had an inkling, but I didn’t know it would actually happen within the year. I also had no idea that a new love would fill my heart so quickly. So many things that happened during the year were driven by my goals, yet many things happened unplanned. Sometimes the unplanned things are the sweetest. Even though I am goal driven, I recognize that you cannot plan everything. Life has unexpected twists and turns and you have to accept those and smile about them.
Like most people who are single, I have the desire for a relationship. As I step back and look at the road ahead, I realize that how I have lived in the past probably will not be the same in the future. Instead of searching for someone to make me happy, I am looking to make myself happy. I really just want a companion to share life’s trials and tribulations with. I hear a lot about the ‘last call’ of the day to share ups and downs with. I realize that ‘last call’ can be with a friend, family member or a romantic interest. It doesn’t really matter which one. All three make me happy. The big realization from last year was that I have spent most of my life trying to make other people happy – but now it is my turn to make myself happy. Sort of a departure from my previous view of life. Everyone I know seems to be looking for ‘someone to make them happy’ or ‘someone to love’ or ‘someone to marry and have children with’. As I look at life from a new perspective, I am awed at the way I incorrectly viewed life before. Is it a result of a divorce or simply reaching a certain age that makes you see things this way. I seem to be looking at how to enjoy the 2nd half of my life instead of like the first half which was spent accomplishing things (careers, love, marriage, children). Now that I see life is so short, instead of accomplishments, I want happiness. I choose life over things. I choose relationships with people over money and success.
The quote on the necklace I wear around my neck is,”To live one must have sunshine, freedom and love”. I found this necklace in the oddest of places. I was passing through Denver airport during a layover and stopped in a jewelry shop. The necklace called to me. The necklace has a picture of a sunflower (reminiscent of my favorite flower, the black-eyed Susan) and on the back was the quote. As soon as I saw the quote, I knew the necklace was destined to be mine. Rarely do I have these ‘aha’ moments, but I felt it right then. The necklace (and quote) would carry me into the new year and beyond as I identified how I was going to accomplish happiness in the next year.
Not to say that the last year was not filled with happy moments, happy times, a love I will never forget as well as emotions of sadness, regret, and fear. To have emotions is to live – regardless of the type of emotion. I guess for the next year, I don’t want just emotion, I want happiness. As if my life depended on happiness. In reality, life does depend on happiness and my road to happiness will be paved by my goals. I don’t know why this necklace found me. Sometimes strange things like that happen to me. Like when you desire a solution to a problem and the solution appears at the exact time and place you need it. Funny how that this happens to me with people also. Strategically placed in the space-time continuum forever changing the course of my life – just when I need them.
For next year I have a vision of what I want. It is just a question of when and how the universe will give that to me (or how I will go and grab it!). I don’t know if I believe in divine intervention, but there seems to be some sort of intervention happening in my life these days. Maybe it is my positive thinking. Maybe it is good karma. Maybe it is just chance and luck that I see as something bigger than me. One thing I do know is that inspiration comes in strange forms, and this one happened to be a simple quote on the back of a $29 necklace. What will inspire you this year and help you reach your goals in 2012?
It is true. I admit it. I am not perfect at relationships. However, at least I tried.
I have no trouble jumping back on the horse that threw me – the horse known as Relationship. Sometimes I wonder why I want to be on the horse to begin with. As I stand in the mirror reflecting at this newly single person, I reflect on the question, “What is a relationship failure?” Is it being married for 50 years but not happy? Is it never getting married because no one was good enough? Or is it marrying a person you thought was great, but broke-up with at some point down the road?
In my case I married. Sadly I reached a point where I could not longer make the people around me, or myself happy in the situation. This leaves me wondering if ending an unhealthy relationship is really a success rather than a failure? At least I know what makes me happy or unhappy. Does it make sense to keep going down a path where you know you can never achieve the life you want?
If people waited until they were 100% sure to do something, then we would all be dead. Why? Because we would be afraid that food was not safe to eat, that we might injure ourselves getting out of bed in the morning, or kissing a child will contaminate us with germs making us sick. Perfection and the existence of life (including relationships) do not align. When you say ‘people’, you are really saying ‘imperfection’. Sometimes it is the imperfections that we love most about people. Doesn’t it give them character?
Would you rather live and experience life with all its flaws, or sit on the sidelines doing only what you can do perfectly? The problem in life is the moving pieces. In the puzzle of life, the pieces are constantly shifting and changing shape. To me it is better to take a chance and gain experiences – love, hurt, anger, loss and maybe ‘fail miserably’ in the eyes of the judgmental. It is better than being paralyzed by perfection. My life is filled with great memories and I will not wonder “what if”, because although I don’t have a perfect life to show for it, I have lived. There is a saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. In my case it feels better to have lived and been imperfect than to have never lived at all. Which life would you choose?
I have been thinking a lot about what love is and what it isn’t. What does it mean when someone tells you that they love you? If they really love you, do they need to tell you? Shouldn’t they be showing you how they love you through little things they do every day? I know personally, I appreciate more showing and less telling. I am not talking about ‘physically’ showing here, although I am not averse to that. The confusion about love is not unique, as Webster’s dictionary contains 9 different definitions for love. No wonder we are confused about what love is!
When someone offers you their love, it is a precious little gift you can wrap up and hold in your heart. How many times have you found yourself giving love to other people, yet never receiving anything in return? Sure, it would be nice if all love was reciprocal, but it doesn’t always work that way. You finally get up the courage to tell someone you love them, and then they say they aren’t ‘in love’ with you. What does that mean? Love comes from a feeling you have inside toward someone else. It is an appreciation or a feeling compelling you to give a little bit of yourself to another person or what I call ‘little gift of love’. Sharing and giving – that is what love is about. You don’t have to be ‘in it’, it just is. You shouldn’t tell someone you love them because you are needy, instead, you should say it because you are giving love, not taking it. The idea that you expect them to love you back is a bit selfish, don’t you think? If you are full of love for yourself, it doesn’t matter if someone reciprocates your love or not.
Love seems a lot easier to give than receive. If someone shows me love, I sometimes find it hard to accept and wind up in tears. Not tears of sadness, but joy and amazement that someone would share their little gift of love with me. You may be surprised where love comes from and how you get that precious little gift. It isn’t always in the shape of the “I love you” phrase. It can be words of encouragement in troubled times from a mere acquaintance, a hug from a friend on Christmas when they are sad and lonely, or a parent holding a sick child on their lap. So many types of love to amaze me! We have so much love to give each other yet we often hide it, for fear that others will see our vulnerability. Without love, where would humanity be? Being vulnerable is human isn’t it? Do you want to be an animal or a human? We should be able to give love away easily – it should seem like no effort and we should desire nothing in return for our gift.
It frustrates me that filmmakers so often portray love as rampant sex on the dining room table. Sure, people can have instant connections that result in crazy behavior, but how often does that actually turn into a long-lasting relationship or true love? Is it possible that those connections are merely a transfer of those ‘little gifts of love’. When there is a strong connection between two people, do people give away their love without really thinking about it? or without questioning why? Love seems to be a strange ebb and flow of energy between people. Maybe those electrical connections between people just a ‘little gift of love’ transferring from one person to another. If you are lucky enough to have someone share their ‘little gift of love with you’, hang on to it and protect it. However, don’t be stingy. Feel free to pass it on, because love is a gift worth sharing.
It amazes me how two people can express themselves so differently in writing, than they do in person. Why is there a discontinuity between the ‘real’ and the ‘writer’? Somehow the ability to communicate verbally causes people to trip over their thoughts. If they only had the extra time, then they could put together their ideas without the distraction of visual and audio stimuli. Then, maybe the two types of communication would be more similar.
I was watching “In the Good Old Summertime” (1949) with Judy Garland and it had a distinct similarity to the movie, “You’ve Got Mail” (1998). Later I discovered that both of these movies were remakes of the original movie, The Shop Around the Corner” (1940). I found it interesting to contrast the 1940’s hand-written letter communication to the modern-day e-mail, with the same kind of result.
These movies depict two people who disliked each other in person, but who fell in love through writing. I wonder how often people miss their perfect match in daily life for the same reason? They only see the ‘live’ version and not the letter-writer. Two people can be together day after day communicating ineffectively, yet two people living miles apart with no face-to-face meetings can create a very close connection through their writing. It is now clear to me why love letters of the past were so powerful. Who are you going to write a letter to today?
Today was Mother’s Day and I was awoken by an aroma that wafted into the bedroom. The smell reminded me of my favorite breakfast restaurant. Next, there in my bedroom was Tucker declaring, “Your brunch is ready!”. ‘Daddy’ and Paige stood behind silently with huge grins across their faces. My eyes could barely open beyond slits, but I could see the enormous smiles. Apparently they were very proud of the brunch they were about to serve me.
I peeled myself out of bed and took a look in the mirror to make sure my hair didn’t look too scary. I followed the kids and ‘daddy’ into the kitchen to see a perfect place-setting just for me. A glass of juice with ice, a cup of coffee, a brunch menu, and a perfectly folded napkin. The napkin could only be the work of Tucker, ‘master place setter’. Surrounding my place setting were cards – mostly handmade from the kids. They were wonderful. The interpretations the kids had of how ‘mommy’ looked was amazing. I never knew my arms came out of my ears like that? Or that my lips were quite that red! At least it seemed as if they liked me (and my looks) enough to make me this nice breakfast and beautiful cards.
After perusing the cards, including one store-bought card from ‘daddy’, everyone got hugs and kisses from ‘mommy’. Maybe this had been their plan all along – bribe me put me in good mood so they could get extra hugs and kisses today. Either way, I think we all came out winners. Next what was placed in front of me was a beautiful egg and cheese omelet and toast with strawberry jam. It was delicious. I was wondering if it tasted so good because I didn’t have to cook it or because ‘daddy’ really was a better cook than me. It is nice to know your family cares about you, especially on Mother’s day. I can only hope the kids are this nice to me for the rest of the day. I can hope can’t I?