Can Mommy be outsourced?

I was thinking about how many companies are outsourcing so they can focus on their core business. I was wondering if Mommy is next on the list to be outsourced? When I look at my typical day, it is clear that if this was a business it would definitely have to start hiring or outsourcing because labor unions would come in and declare the employment practices and work conditions inhumane. Who has to work from 6 AM – 10 PM…7 days a week! Clearly something must be done to alleviate the need for ‘overtime’ since Mommy already works a 40 hours a week (and then some!)

If you were going to outsource, what would you do? I came up with the idea of a “Homework Hotline” where the kids could call a support center in India, China or Belarus or wherever the new ‘low cost’ region happened to be. The kids could call the hotline to answer all the ridiculous questions they have about their homework. Mommy is tired of spelling words like ‘flummery’, and since she is not really sure what it means, maybe this homework is better left to the professionals.

Another thing that could really come in handy is a “Meal Maker” service. This person would arrive at 6 AM to pack up the kid’s lunches (and make mommy’s while they are at it!). They could also whip up a healthy breakfast – like hot oatmeal. Then around 5 PM they would show up for a few hours to create a balanced and healthy dinner (instead of hot dogs, pizza, or quesadillas). Since everyone has different tastes they could even make multiple meals!

Mommy put together some estimates to purchase these outside services to keep the unions off her back and brought the idea to a “Budget Review Meeting”. Apparently there were some surprise expenses this month – new tires were needed for the car, a leak in the ceiling from all the thunderstorms caused water damage, and another component from the pool system failed. The budget does not look like it will allow for any outsourcing this month, unless Mommy can bring in some more revenue. (You mean Mommy would have to get a second job?) Mommy wondered if she could sell her shoes on eBay to raise extra cash to cover the outsourcing for a short bit. Used Tevas probably won’t raise the necessary funds. Too bad she doesn’t own any “Prada-esque” shoes.

This is a conundrum. Maybe instead of outsourcing, Mommy will just have to do a “Re-Org” to shuffle around responsibilities internally. Daddy is assigned “Meal Maker” while Mommy helps the kids with homework. Other things like housecleaning and laundry will require everyone to pitch in (even the kids). At least this way the ‘overtime’ will be spread around more. With all the daily duties, it is a wonder more Mommy’s don’t go on strike.


2 thoughts on “Can Mommy be outsourced?

  1. Being a “Mommy” is the hardest job a woman will ever have, whether she works out of the home of not. But in the end I find it is the most rewarding. Good Luck with your outsourcing.

  2. I would say that part of the problem exists because we live in a culture that says we have to have it all right now, and therefore require two incomes to get it. If we could scale back our “wants” and focus more on what are really “needs”, we might not have to worry about outsourcing parental duties.

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