Over the last several days I have had some uncomfortable feelings which I have to call fear. Fear of the future. I don’t know why I suddenly have this fear, but it seems to be of the unknown. Any time you are making big changes in your life, you have fear. Fear of that new job, new relationship, or new school. Somehow it doesn’t seem like it is just me. I think I could deal with it if it was just me – because I am the master of ‘managing change’. Then again that is with projects and not with ‘me’.
My house is filled with fear at the moment, so maybe it is just rubbing off or actually just sticking to me more than it normally would. My 4-year-old is heading to Kindergarten in a matter of days and it has become obvious that she is afraid to leave my side. She hangs on to my leg every morning when I drop her off at daycare. Is this her way of ‘hang-on’ to the familiar (my leg) when she knows that soon she will no longer have the familiarity of her daycare? To make matters worse, her ‘best buddy’ is going to a different school. I am sure to her it feels like her life is falling down around her and she is hanging on – tightly.
My husband is working (thank goodness) but only temporarily and he is in the process of finding a work ‘home’ after October. He is challenged with working full-time and completing his Master’s Degree at the same time. For the first time in our marriage he is the primary breadwinner and I am the ‘stay-at-home’ parent. In just 2 months we have been hurled into complete role reversal. Talk about change and fear!
Lastly is my ‘career transition’. I am not sure where I am going to land, but I believe I will safely. It is just a matter of time. The fear is really about newness. What will the new job be like? What will the people I work with be like? What will my management expect out of me? Will I be happy? Will I be challenged? I just realized in saying all that – I know the answer. I will be happy and I will be a great employee. Just like every other change in my life has worked out for the best, so shall this. I see a big “+” hanging over my head as I carry around (or try) a positive attitude that I can share with others. (I don’t want to give them fear, that would just be mean!). Although we may fear a lot of things in life, we need to think positive and be positive. Being positive will get us everywhere, at least that is what I am telling myself to fend off the fear.