Since I started this blog, you would think I wouldn’t be worried about vulnerability, however, doing something like a blog is a way to overcome fear. I have many fears like most everyone else. Fear of looking stupid (or in this case writing stupid), fear that people won’t like me, fear of smelling like a moose, fear of succeeding, and fear of having food in my teeth for half the day that no one will tell me about.
I heard somewhere that fear is power. Without fear, humans would not be driven to act. We can harness the fear to our advantage can’t we? Some of the things that we are most afraid of and can overcome, can help us grow the most (Anyone seen Batman with Christian Bale?). I used to be afraid to tell the truth to people or tell them how I feel. At some point I became so afraid that I was paralyzed. I didn’t want to upset anyone around me and I found myself cut-off from the rest of the world and miserable because I wasn’t getting anything that I needed; I was just giving everyone else what they need. Anyone who has been depressed or has anxiety knows what I am talking about. Most mon’s know about the ‘give-give-give’ until you don’t know who you are any more (because you are afraid to ask for help, afraid to ask for what you want, afraid to be, well…you!) At some point I realized (and you may too) that if you are paralyzed by fears, you will never get to where you want to go in life.
So I got over my fear, now what? Obviously it is ridiculous for me to think that I can become an astronaut, the next American Idol or a Hollywood starlet at this point in my life, but does that mean I don’t have dreams and wishes? I would love to travel and see the world. I would love to write and publish a book. I would love to grow old and see my children get married and have children of the their own. I would love to go for a run and clear my head. If I just sit on my sofa because of fear, then I can’t even accomplish the simple task of taking the kids to school or making myself breakfast. (I might have energy to make coffee, since I can’t live without it).
We cannot expect that a great life is going to fall in our laps. Can love and career success just ‘happen’? We have to make it happen. We have to put ourselves out there (even when we have a pimple on our forehead) and make our luck (ouch I just noticed that pimple…why am I still getting pimples at this age?). I hear people say that he or she was ‘lucky’. What does that mean? Wait, they were in the ‘right place at the right time’, however, if they had been sitting on their sofa I doubt the same could ever be said about them! Luck is not just chance, but putting yourself in the right place at the right time’, that is something you can control. Is it a scary thought that you have control over your life? That you make your own destiny?
I was thinking back to a friend who was divorced and wanted to get remarried and have children. She left the house for activities that were for other women or made her comfortable- choir, community groups, and dinner with the girls. I don’t know exactly what happened to her, but I envision her still living alone with her three cats (I know it sounds cliché, but this is the truth!). Do you want to be the lonely woman with cats? Or do you want to overcome your fears and find out who you can be and what you can do? You may surprise yourself.